Shana Tova, Motherfuckers

This a-russian's a gone-a fishin!

You must mean, "Worst of the Lunatic"?

Seeing as how I introduced myself in a discussion section a few weeks earlier as a graduate of "some school in upstate NY," it's quite clear that I am more than willing to dissociate myself from my white trash Ivy past. And if I couldn't care less about the school itself, then surely I'd have even less love for the one activity to which I dedicated any appreciable time, the campus "humor" rag--the only connection to which I maintain is my own middle-school picture which has served as a default avatar for many stalking-only social networking profiles.

So of course yesterday, in my weekly convo with my parents, I found out that I'd received a package from said humor rag's founder, a man best known for writing books about how to use shaving cream to clean your patio. Apparently a "Best Of" collection has been in the works, and a half-dozen items which I wrote or co-wrote were selected to appear. I wasn't sure if I should be flattered or horrified by this, but then I realized that my "pieces" were actually sent as part of the package and that my parents had perused them. If I thought some family gatherings were awkward before, imagine what they would be like with my parents knowing what Duke Nobbins is. Maybe I should have just written about ping bombs and that dude in Cascadilla who always were shorts.

Eh, Nyet, Peg?

That's right, it has happened. Russian further assimilates American culture by adapting the seminal 1990s sitcom Married With Children. Can't wait to watch him squaring off with Russian Marcy, attending NYETM'AM meetings, and denying Russian Peg sex and affection. The question is, does Russian Al even have a septic tank to flush?

(Hat tip: Duke Bloggins)

Fratboy Disses Swissboy

Andy Roddick says what we're all thinking. Roger Federer is a bot. A finely tuned bot who destroys Roddick and all other pretenders to the throne. Watching him is like watching a robot play. It's a different experience than marveling at Jordan's airwalking domination, Barry Sanders' silky smooth evasiveness, or Tiger Woods' record-shattering swing. A pretty-boy robot with a tennis racquet, who just happens to endorse Nike and shred his opponents with Teutonic efficiency. He may be hard to root for, but so was the T-1000, and you just had to admire his skill and finesse.

Craving Complexity

Now there is scientific data to explain why Bush can't help being an idiot and Gore can't resist his natural penchant for complexity and ambiguity. It's the neurons, stupid.

Happy Sunday

Foot-Tutzed

Thanks, Senator Craig, for ruining it for the rest of us. Oh, to be in the innocent days of yore, when tapping your foot gingerly on the bathroom floor indicated nothing more than your gushing zest for life--and for the dance. Sometimes I tap because I've got cause it feels good...sometimes I tap to get the bowels movin'...sometimes I tap cause I've got a charlie-horse. And now, I tap no more.

Why We Lobby

A winding path of desert, braying ibex goats, high-rise developments, endless military exercises from dusk till dawn, pomegranates, cranes, banana groves, Bedouin slums, up-and-coming vineyards, sprawling manmade oases, Hassidic shtettles, simple tombs to unknown soldiers, green lines from filth to fresh, price-gouging food vendors, horny soldiers, virile Jews, coconuts and pineapples, Druid shops, Bahai temples, hummus dripping olive oil and mango nectar on a blood filled alley.

lucas in love

Yankees update.

Ok. Here's a list of what the yankees should do.

1. trade Mike Mussina. when the yankees signed him they thought he was the next david cone, instead he's the gimp version of cone.
2. can't find a taker? move him to the bullpen for long relief, drop Vallone.
3. bring up Ian Kennedy, there's still time to have him in the playoff roster. There's no way he's worse than pussina.
4. edit the joba rules. if he thows less than 10 pitches an outting, he can pitch the next day.
5. who the fuck is sean henn? get rid of him.

painful series vs the angels.

Top Gun Motors

Bocar Toe!

Rejoice, for Bohemigrant is back from the Holy Land. Shalom, everyone. More jetlagged blogging to come...

tonight's the night!

joba comes up tonight and will save the yankees bullpen, goodbye to myers, proctor and farnsworthless (found that in the yankee's messageboard. let's hope torre doesn't blow out his arm like he has with sturtz, paul quantrill, vallone, proctor and viscano.

Apple of My Eye

Say it ain't so, Mets management. The classic Home Run Apple must stay!

catch them all! or die!

The Simpsons Are Going to Paris!

Kudos to the Fox marketing team for running a brilliant campaign.

You Mean He Was Still Teaching?

The biggest shock of this story is that Ward Churchill was still tenured at UC. Guess the wheels of trustee action turn slowly in Colorado. Worst of all, Native American actor/activist Russell Means is legitimizing 9/11 revisionism. Always puzzled at irrelevant ethnic solidarity for killers, losers, and miscreants, Bohemigrant is particularly nonplussed by the fact that Churchill isn't even Native American. I don't care how shiny his moccasins were!

this is bad

bitchslap

http://nigoro.jp/game/rosecamellia/rosecamellia.php
Finally someone has put together a game for a new generation of pimps and beyotches, set in old world anime.

Byrd's Words for Sick Vick

The Exalted Cyclops goes Lawrence O'Donnell on Ron Mexico. Now this is the West Virginia-Virginia Tech rivalry at its finest.