Elevator Rage

In the hall-of-fame of obnoxious elevator etiquette, no single infraction is more inane than the button re-pushers. I am sure this scenario is familiar to you:

You enter the building, approach the elevator, and push the button to fetch it from the 20th floor, where 10 people crammed themselves into it, 5 of them not having the wherewithal to wait another 3 seconds for the adjacent lift. In many cases (especially if you work in an office building in a large, metropolitan area) that button is then automatically lit to indicate that you have pushed it (genius!). [Cue the idiot.] A man (or woman) now approaches. They ignore you (although some may throw a cursory glance) and proceed toward the elevator. The orange glow of the button fails to deter them from re-pushing the button in an attempt to speed up the elevator. Some may give it an extra push or two, hoping, perhaps, for tactile assurance of swifter service.

Now, this situation is as commonplace as secretaries comparing lottery notes. Unfortunately, being a sensitive person, I can't help but take this as an affront to my intelligence and human dignity. Do these people imagine that I am just idling downstairs at say, 8:59 AM? A delivery-boy lost in a sea full of sharks? Until now, I took this assault on the minimal presumption of competence in stride. Of course, I have had to reevaluate my lack of commitment to this issue when, after holding my hand on the button for about 10 seconds yesterday, and then audibly muttering sarcastic comments about my pet peeve in an effort to entertain my colleague, the man waiting directly behind us (headed to a law office on the...ahem, 2nd floor) jumped on that button as soon as I finaly released it (sure enough, triggering the orange glow) as if it was about to release the punitive damages in his wrongful injury case.

For good measure, the gentleman then attempted to outmaneuver my colleague, a female, who was first in line for the elevator. Class sticks to brain like peanut butter to jelly.

Norm Strikes Again

In-between failed sitcom pilots, Norm McDonald brings us his very own comedy album. Here is a preview of the sharp wit and pointed satire we are sure to hear.

the little superstar fights.

i'm sure you've seen the little guy dance but have you seen him fight? Enjoy the gayest fight scene ever. triple head turn!

First Post.

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